Random thoughts, while watching gophers excavate my yard, which now has more holes than Augusta National:
- —There should be a cologne that smells like spring training.
- –There should be a perfume called Opening Day.
- –If our cars worked like our Wi-Fi, we’d all be dead.
- –Funniest father in America? Shaq, who tells his kids: “We ain’t rich. I’m rich.”
- –Wine flies when you’re having fun.
- –Winter air smells like it’s just been born.
- –The louder the movie, the worse the movie.
- –If I ever opened a butcher shop, it’d be called “Meat Cute.”
- –There should be a breakfast cereal made of Thin Mints.
- –Most-mystifying double-reverse: Marie Kondo deciding that clutter is actually OK.
- –Best thing a wealthy man can leave his children? His grit.
- –In spring, “the Earth is like a child that knows poems by heart.” (writer Rainer Maria Rilke)
- –When did sushi get so expensive?
- –Once prices go up, they rarely come down.
- –I know it’s popular, but to me boba tastes like dog slobber.
- –I’ve missed a few days of church. But I’ve seen every single Super Bowl.
- –Super Bowl trivia: How many halftime shows has Taylor Swift performed in?
- –Best tacos in LA: Yuca’s, in Pasadena and Los Feliz.
- –Best canyon: Temescal.
- –The elegant old Pasadena Playhouse is a total treasure.
- –So is Pasadena City Hall.
- –So is Pasadena.
- –LA’s greatest work of art: an icy martini at Musso & Frank.
- –Another timeless pleasure: coffee and a local paper at the Fairfax Farmers Market.
- –Need a cosmic boost? Check out the soothing and remarkable Griffith Observatory Planetarium.
- –From Chinatown to the sea, Sunset Boulevard is LA’s connective tissue.
- –Still love my L.A. Times, but the Calendar section has become a joyless dud.
- –For a well-edited summary of the news, try The Week, a magazine that smartly sums up current events.
- –Good news of the day: Federal tax day in L.A. County has been pushed back to May 15, because of the impact of the earlier storms. No, really.
- –If the Titanic hadn’t sunk, would Leonardo DiCaprio still be a big star?
- –“Basically, I only play one character. I just play him at different volumes.” (the late Chris Farley)
- –Birthdays this week: Matt Groening, 69, John McEnroe, 64, The Weeknd, 33, and Farley, who would be turning 59.
- –After all these years, Bob Dylan still can’t sing.
- –And Sunday’s Grammys sounded like a symphony of chainsaws.
- –Driving onto a studio lot still gives me goosebumps.
- –Best TV theme song of all time? “MASH”
- –Runner-up: “Taxi”
- –Second-runner up: “WKRP in Cincinnati”
- –Third runner up: “Hawaii Five-0.”
- –And the theme from “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” rounds out my top 5.
- –“I’ve had a man and I’ve had a woman, and there’s got to be something better.” (actress Tallulah Bankhead)
- –Yes, that was her real name.
- –All food is comfort food.
- –OK, whatever happened to broasted chicken?
- –Everything tastes better with bacon or cheese.
- –If I drove for Uber Eats, I’d have to sample everything.
- –“The best cars are wasted on the worst drivers.” (former Times colleague David Lazarus)
- –Bucketball’s least-used weapon: the bounce pass.
- –Football fans treat Tom Brady like a disgraced Danish king. The level of dislike has always seemed out of proportion to his issues.
- –Trivia answer: Swift has never performed at a Super Bowl halftime. Maybe when she’s more popular?
- –For the record, I preferred “Hill Street Blues” to “The Sopranos.” Both great, Hill Street better.
- –Funny Netflix show we just stumbled across: “Friends From College.”
- –Oxymoron of the day: Waterless urinal
- –Onomatopoeia of the day: the digital chirp.
- –FYI, I just might broast a chicken this weekend.
- –Thank God for newspapers.
- –Thank God for God and art and movies that move us.
- –Seen any lately?
- –“She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbor:
‘Winter is dead.’”
(A.A. Milne)
Email the columnist at Letters@ChrisErskineLA.com. For books or past columns, please go to ChrisErskineLA.com
Super-duper easy Super Bowl treat: See that pizza? We used Trader Joe’s premade dough (about 3 bucks, though by the time you read this, it might be $5). Lightly flour pizza pan or cookie sheet. Pre-bake the dough alone at 450 for three minutes. Remove from oven and smear on a layer of tomato sauce, then add toppings of your choice. If you use sausage, I recommend browning on the stove first. Somehow, Jimmy Dean’s breakfast sausage works fine. Otherwise, ingredients such as mushrooms, red onion, pepper, pepperoni will all cook with the pizza. Top with some grated mozzarella — you don’t need too much cheese. Shove back in the oven for 10-12 minutes and you’re done. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually prefer the veggie version to the meaty ones. Or, you can do 50-50, as in the photo. This is better than almost any takeout. Happy Super Bowl!
Best retired newspaper columnist who started his own blog that is even better than his old columns and brings smiles to the world twice as often: I nominate you. Thanks for the pizza recipe. You just saved us about $20. Happy Superbowl!
Thanks! Those homemade pizzas are twice as good at half the price. And fun to do!
You’re not kidding. I work in Parent Education/Home Visiting in the western burbs and during the pandemic we dropped off Trader Joe’s pizza dough plus toppings to ALL of our families. Then we had a giant pizza party on zoom where everyone made their pizzas. It was hilarious, fun, messy and delicious. A great time was had by all! Two thumbs way up!
Where is everyone this morning? Anyway, under the heading of all those things you just said, there’s an ad for some kind of drug on TV [where a guy is teaching a kid how to throw a baseball] and at the bottom of the screen with the voice over it says, “…call your doctor right away if you lose consciousness…” Just sayin’…
Thanks for another great column! I loved all of the references to newspapers. Print will soon be a thing of the past, or a niche revival market, like vinyl. Alas!
Sad but true. The Times sold off its printing presses. That’s a very bad sign.
What a great essay. You really out did yourself today. Thanks.
Thanks, Denise. I used to do those Random Thought pieces monthly at the LA Times. Then I took a break because they take a lot of work. As you can tell, I dont think much of work! But I think I’ll bring them back on a regular basis.
Darn good
“Winter air smells like it’s just been born” was so good I thought it was another quote from Rilke. And then there’s Tallulah, one of the few names that rhymes with hallelujah. I have childhood memories of seeing her as a guest on…Jack Parr? The Tonight Show? Whichever, she was fascinating. Allegedly smoked 120 cigarettes a day and you could hear every one of them in her voice. But what a woman! A female Oscar Wilde. You picked a great quote, and there are tons more. Thanks for reminding me of her and possibly introducing her to a few new people who, if their curiosity is piqued, should check out her Wikipedia entry. They don’t make ’em like her anymore.
That winter air line was supposed to be the opening of a future column. But I couldn’t wait. Suppose something happened? I had no idea that Tallulah was a racier version of Dorothy Parker. Or that there could ever be a racier version of Dorothy Parker! Best to the beautiful Susan.
Musso & Frank’s best martini in town ! Also best service & food in town!
Classic
( Celebrated my husbands 60th on Thursday – ready to go back)
If M & F ever closes, I’m leaving LA. Same goes for Langer’s Deli. And Avignone’s Bar in Montrose. And Big Dean’s on the beach.
You are SO RIGHT on so many points today! Thank you again for getting my time on the computer off to a good start.
My friend’s dog is named Tallulah. She’s tiny but trust me…the name fits.
Best TV themes for sure, I still get Goosebumps when I hear MASH! I may have to get a refresher on Broasting, I think I liked it! We will bring surfboard cookies from Beckers to our Super Bowl party!! Good luck with the Gophers!!
So much to smile, nod, agree with; one of your best columns of the year so far!
I save all of them, but may have to flag this one as extra special, and share with friends.
Agree about newspapers, TV theme music, and thanks for mentioning The Week (which also has an excellent crossword puzzle in very issue).
I always look forward to your columns (& new pictures of Cakes, of course)!
Great Broastrd Chicken! Charlie’s Trio a lively Italian neighborhood joint on Huntington Dr. at of Alhambra & El Sereno (LA). Red sauce, pizza, cocktails, beer, wine and instant comradeship!
I love everything you write, but smiled from ear to ear throughout my reading today. The only frown I got was the prospect that newspapers will be going away, say it isn’t so….sigh. Even with their faults, I keep reading The Times and Star News everyday,. Thanks for the pizza recipe, I am going to give it a try.
What did ever happen to broasted chicken?? Maybe it’s was just Chicago thing. 🤪
Have to go with the theme from “The Odd Couple”, maybe just because my late pal Neal Hefti wrote it.
Liked your Best TV Theme songs , I would add the one from “The Jeffersons” & probably move it to the top! Thanks for the TJ pizza dough rec & anxious to try. Didn’t know about that!
Another terrific Blog! So many fun observations! I agree about Boba. 🤑🤑
How DO you do it, come up with all those great random thoughts?! Only good thing about the Times Calendar section is the crossword! Keep those great thoughts coming! Please!!
I once celebrated my birthday at Musso’s just to have a martini. I forget what I ate. As for tacos I prefer Sonoratown. But tacos can be a personal thing. I get it.
you had me at first line…well done…the rhythm was perfect ..fresh as the crisp air outside today. Many thanks.
Thank you!
This is the weekend when the world briefly divides, one part enraptured with the roar of a stadium’s adrenaline and floodlights, the other relaxing into the twilight zone of a slow news day. What both consume is a vegetarian pizza made of what is available in the garden of the mind. Bankhead and Swift are brazen Chicago deep dish (lots of sauce), Rilke and Milne are elegant thin crust, with toppings that are memorable and somehow emotionally substantial—pasta as art. It’s all a matter of taste. Whatever your palate, nature will provide. Next up: the great red day…
I subscribed to the LA Times until I realized it was costing nearly a thousand dollars a year. Retired folks can’t afford that.
Us too. I just get the Sunday times now…
Best Broasted Chicken in Crescent City at The Apple Peddler restaurant.
I completely agree with you about Bob Dylan
Great column Chris, I love the theme music from Magnum PI and the Henry Mancini theme performed for the Newhart show with Mary Frann. By the way, I, too, love newspapers, but my beloved LA Times is now a former shell of itself and could not justify the cost of home delivery any longer. I still pay for the digital format, but I do miss the feel and smell of the printed paper.
I love this, like being on a wild ride along a bumpy path of amazing thoughts. Think Calvin and Hobbs. Toad’s Wild Ride. But how do you even know what dog slobber… Wait. Never mind.
The generation that never experienced a newspaper is never going to know the joy of flipping through reading about the world, the movies, cartoons, horoscopes and all the great columnists ever, Jim Murray and You! Does anyone remember having to do a “current event” every Monday at school? Please keep writing