Random thoughts while waiting for the charcoal to turn gray:
— Life is full of unheard hymns.
— Best mood lighting: a summer sunset.
— Best inflation expert: A parent with a $400 cart of groceries.
— Best song ever: “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”
— I can never tell the difference between a proclivity and a craving.
— Dudamel is to strings what Gehry is to steel.
— In LA, if you’re 15 minutes late, you’re early.
— My house is wired like a 12-year-old’s teeth.
— FYI, one molecule of a martini is better than a million molecules of wine.
— Social media is a herd of deer drowning in a pool of cherry blossoms.
— “I want to thank the Academy of Arts, Sciences and Money for this wonderful award.” (Mel Brooks after winning his Oscar for “The Producers”)
— Actor Brian Cox is the best British export since The White Album.
— But TV needs more blue-collar shows.
— For the record, we’re solidly upper, lower middle-class.
— Top average MLB ticket prices: Dodgers $209, Yankees $186, Red Sox $170.
— We’re No. 1!
— Money is the hardest drug.
— To honor their vendors, the Dodgers should erect a statue of Roger Owens, the greatest ever.
— He should also be in baseball’s Hall of Fame.
— FYI, I still owe $147,437.73 to the Columbia Record Club.
— And I can never tell “vintage” from “worn out.”
— The paranoia over AI reminds me a little of Y2K.
— Paul Simon’s most underrated song: “American Tune.”
I don’t know a soul who’s not been battered,
I don’t have a friend who feels at ease…
— “Teslas are now a demographic.” (Smartacus Erskine)
— Hey, Sarah Silverman. Who hurt you?
— Still, I think you’re brilliant.
— You should also be in baseball’s Hall of Fame.
— “Between two evils, I generally like to pick the one I never tried before.” (Mae West)
— For the record: Half the celebrities I’ve met are crazy.
— And I haven’t met the other half.
— The solution to nearly everything: Iced coffee with a scoop of caramel sea salt ice cream.
— These old shorts aren’t scruffy. They’re vintage.
— In the museum of the mind: Tommy Lasorda trotting out to the mound to berate a pitcher.
— In the museum of the heart: Gibby’s home run lap.
— In the museum of the soul: “America the Beautiful” by Ray Charles.
— Yellow mustard is the American Champagne.
— Trivia time: Blue cheese or ranch?
— FYI, nothing good is ever in parentheses (or so my daughter Rapunzel thinks).
— To be honest, the world hasn’t been right since they took the anchovies out of Caesar salads.
— Count on it: Christian McCaffrey will one day run the NFL.
— If you have a pet, you have half of all you need.
— “Her peace and her sweetness were such that when I held my ear to her heart
I could hear the sea.” (Ann Iverson, on the final moments with a dying pet)
— By the time you smell the toast, it’s probably too late.
— Same with my t-shirts.
— Can’t someone combine bug spray with a sunscreen?
— Did anyone grow up wanting to be a venture capitalist?
— July birthdays: Selena Gomez, 31; Tom Cruise, 61; Tom Hanks, 67; Ringo Starr, 83; Princess Diana would’ve been turning 62.
— “If elected, I will win.” (comedian Pat Paulsen’s campaign pledge)
— Sure admire Shohei Otani. But admire Kersh even more.
— Trivia answer: Blue cheese.
— Trivia time II: McDonald’s and Dairy Queen were both born in what year?
— “All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments…is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.” (Jorge Luis Borges)
— FYI, the magic lamp in “I Dream of Jeannie” was actually a repurposed Jim Beam Christmas decanter.
— Consumer tip No. 1: Be sure to change your AC filter.
— Consumer tip No. 2: Stud finders are great for locating nails in tires.
— Consumer tip No. 3: Never buy the last piece of fish.
— Can’t wait to try Bludso’s new barbecue joint in Santa Monica.
— In the meantime, check out the brisket at Craft in Pasadena.
— “Like buuuuttah,” as my pal Irv always says.
— Trivia II answer: McD’s and Dairy Queen both started in 1940.
— “There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.” (Joseph Brodsky)
— Don’t you love the things you never see coming?
— Predictions: Rom-coms will return!
— So will the Rams.
— The Bruins will be in the Final Four — in football.
— So will USC.
— Wait, is that even possible?
— What isn’t anymore?
— “Summertime is always the best of what might be.” (Charles Bowden)
News flash: The Gin & Tonic Society of Los Angeles is holding a summer bash July 22 in a lovely backyard in Glendale. Please come. First 50 to respond are in. Bring a bottle of gin, an app, a dessert, or anything you’d like to contribute. The event begins at 6 pm. RSVP to Letters@ChrisErskineLA.com. Our thanks to Eileen and John for hosting. Cheers!