True story: Cervantes once took a civil service job with the Spanish Armada, messed up the money, went to prison, and got a really great book out of it. Sometimes, even when you lose, you win.
I remember dropping Smartacus off to college a year ago. For a week, I could barely breathe. Doctors thought I’d died.
Jeez, I love sports bars. I like when the Buffalo sauce seeps into your cuticles till three days later. I like when the barmaids ring a little bell – ding-ding -- when you leave a tip.
I don’t think I could ever leave LA. You don’t quit on your team after a few bad seasons. Plus, there’s Damon’s. And Porto’s. And my attorney Billable Bob, a magnificent man and an inspiration to so many.
I lost my entire fortune in the Great Depression of 2022. Yet, like most tycoons, I plan to start over again. At the race track.
There aren’t too many venues in America like this. When Disneyland closed for the day, you could see the fireworks show 40 miles away.
A foot-high fish sandwich ($23) arrives that reminds me of the final scene in Moby Dick, when they’re kabobing the poor whale – jab, jab, jab -- which might be a metaphor for dining out in Los Angeles.
Tell me, can you fall for someone twice? Well, I’ve loved this kid from the first day I saw him and every day since.
Have you ever gazed out at LA's famous sea of lights and thought: How many of those people are making love right now?
Calamity is everywhere lately. I almost drowned the other day while installing a water filter in the fridge.