Tell me, can you fall for someone twice? Well, I’ve loved this kid from the first day I saw him and every day since.
Have you ever gazed out at LA's famous sea of lights and thought: How many of those people are making love right now?
Calamity is everywhere lately. I almost drowned the other day while installing a water filter in the fridge.
Wherefore, O summer's day? (Emily Dickinson) Wherefore, O gin? (me)
Taught them how to drill a penalty kick, finesse a 5-iron. Now my daughters are teaching me how to babysit my cherub-faced granddaughter.
Know who she reminds me of? Helen of Troy. And Mary Queen of Scots, during the Reformation, the good years, before things got all complicated.
In LA, everyone blows through red lights, even the cops, and the proper response to “Good morning” is “You sure? Just wait, dude.”
Like most men, my father had no feeling in his face, so that when he ate ribs and buttery corn, he’d appear to have applied it externally, as you would an aftershave.
After Smartacus left, White Fang became an ironic, super-bored princess -- you know the type. Shaggy manes. Legs like palm trees. Look so great climbing out of a pool.
Know who I remind myself of? Jimmy Piersall, baseball’s most-famous flake, who once described diapering this way: "Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond. Then fold second base down to home...