True story: Cervantes once took a civil service job with the Spanish Armada, messed up the money, went to prison, and got a really great book out of it. Sometimes, even when you lose, you win.
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Teardrops in the Driveway
I remember dropping Smartacus off to college a year ago. For a week, I could barely breathe. Doctors thought I’d died.
How to Avoid Stupid Trends
Jeez, I love sports bars. I like when the Buffalo sauce seeps into your cuticles till three days later. I like when the barmaids ring a little bell – ding-ding -- when you leave a tip.
Heavenly Moments
Did you know there were still Good Samaritans left in LA? Me neither. But there they were, helping me save the dog.
Something in Your Eye?
The golden retriever pup hears voices that aren’t even there. She hears the whispered second-thoughts of wayward angels … she hears aphids making out in the trees.
What Love Looks Like
I don’t think I could ever leave LA. You don’t quit on your team after a few bad seasons. Plus, there’s Damon’s. And Porto’s. And my attorney Billable Bob, a magnificent man and an inspiration to so many.
And…They’re Off!
I lost my entire fortune in the Great Depression of 2022. Yet, like most tycoons, I plan to start over again. At the race track.
Oysters and Martinis
There aren’t too many venues in America like this. When Disneyland closed for the day, you could see the fireworks show 40 miles away.
To Live and Dine in LA
A foot-high fish sandwich ($23) arrives that reminds me of the final scene in Moby Dick, when they’re kabobing the poor whale – jab, jab, jab -- which might be a metaphor for dining out in Los Angeles.
Fathers and Sons
Tell me, can you fall for someone twice? Well, I’ve loved this kid from the first day I saw him and every day since.