So there’s this insane narrative going around that Boomers are inept at some of the new technology, which is a bogus and abusive take on a generation that gave the world personal computers and smart phones in the first place.
True, we kind of regret it now. Yet, we did.
Coincidentally, I spent much of Monday morning yelling at my new computer, before realizing, “This is silly, let me call Smartacus and yell at him instead.”
I did, and felt soooooo much better. Smartacus is good that way, because he’s had me as a dad for 22 years and is used to random Willy Loman rants. Were his father an accountant or an engineer, he’d probably be spared such histrionics.
“Do you know how lucky you are?” I yell at him constantly.
FYI, I learned most of my debate skills from watching Leo Durocher berate home-plate umpires when he was with the Cubs, sturdy men, maybe a little drunk. As with Churchill, I still consider Leo a master orator, ornery in the way managers once were. Dem were da days.
Anyway, I explained to Spartacus about the ongoing false narrative that Boomers are bad at this stuff, when in fact it is the stuff itself that is bad. I tell him how, for a while, tech got very intuitive, thanks to Steve Jobs.
Since Jobs died, technology has crept back to the agonizing, geeky experience it prefers to be. Case in point: That TV in your vacation rental.
The latest issue: I’m in the midst of changing from an old Dell to a new MacBook. When I complained that there was no obvious way to create an email, Spartacus gladly offered to swap his Windows laptop for mine.
That’s the kind of tech support we’ve all experienced, right? Mostly hollow and off point.
I explained to Smartacus that there are times like this when it’s good I live alone and can holler at inanimate objects without human judgment.
If Suze were here, I’d feel pressure to censor myself. She’s pretty adept at technology — more so than most — and has been using a Mac for years. Like many Mac users, she does’t understand why everyone doesn’t use a Mac. The lovely and patient older daughter, same thing. Loves all things Mac.
“Dad, why do you do that to yourself?” my older daughter asks when she sees my beat-up Dell.
Oh, I don’t know, sweetie. Why do I drive a Honda instead of a Ferrari? Why do all my clothes smell like dog?
Then I explain about all the hollering and how much I like it, as a way to pump fresh air into the heart and lungs. Invigorating!
One very bright day this past summer, my older daughter led me out to an Apple Store and we both bought new MacBooks. It’s a lovely experience in an Apple Store. Like kindergarten for technology. So much patience. So much kindness. I find it very nurturing. And kind of cult like, to be honest.
I brought the Mac home, then set it aside for four months because I didn’t want to deal with sliding everything from one machine to the next. One day, when the old Dell was acting up, I opened up the MacBook.
“Hello, sexy man,” it purred. I knew right then I’d chosen well.
Meanwhile, the toilet in the main bath is giving me headaches, and Suze suggests replacing it before my sister visits in two weeks, to ward off any awkwardness over it not flushing.
I explain that if you lift the lid off the tank and manually yank the little chain, the schamidikiss lifts and the flapper valve stays open longer, allowing complete and total flushing. It’s a revelation really. Like those photos you see of Iguana Falls.
There’s no reason my sister can’t learn this. She’s not the Duchess of Kent. She hails from the mean streets of suburban Chicago. In fact, I once saw her shovel a driveway. Not well. But she tried for five minutes before giving up and going inside to watch “Gilligan’s Island” and eat Pop Tarts.
Normally, I would replace a bum toilet like this myself — it’s kinda due. Would take me about an hour. But doctors tell me to avoid such rigor for the next month, which puts me in a quandary: “Do I call a plumber?”
Those of us who do our own home repairs dread such encounters. Why? Because a professional plumber will come in and do the job right the first time, and you’ll never have to worry about it again.
When I do plumbing, I leave little tufts of toilet paper to flag any drips. Inevitably, the fittings require another quarter turn the next day..
That’s OK. It’s tradition. Besides, there is something satisfying about snugging up a brass fitting and making it just right.
We are a land of second chances, after all — this house more than most.
And like Einstein, I believe in good worlds, good outcomes — even when my kids steer me otherwise.
Coming Saturday: Bless the beasts and the children.
Oh good luck with the Mac! I’ve realized that our kids are great for all things tech. But I have not ventured into Mac Land and don’t know if I will. And I’m with Suze – replace the toilet and get a recommendation for a great plumber to do it. It won’t be like Dan Aykroyd’s SNL skit lol and you’ll be glad you did!
My husband was also a do it yourself-er and now that he’s gone, after years of “Can’t we just hire someone?” I’m sure that he still hears me yelling when something breaks. When the stove stopped working and I bought a new one, those blessed younguns that installed the beast asked why I didn’t get the matching dishwasher. BECAUSE IT STILL WORKS is true boomer speak. Now don’t get me started on toilets.
I see computers, smart TVs and household appliances as devices God has given us to keep our Boomer brains sharp as we age. We can’t figure out how to make them work as designed, so we develop “workaround” strategies like your flushing maneuver that create useful new neural pathways. I truly feel sorry for kids growing up with AI. First calculators took our ability to do simple math, now AI is taking their ability to figure out just about anything. It will be interesting to see what the kids of today come up with to tell their grandkids about how challenging life was when they were young. Enjoy your Mac and your sister’s visit!
I like how you think. Yes, I’m developing new neural pathways. So exciting. One thing I know for sure: I wouldn’t have wanted to grow up at any other time than when we did.
AMEN!
I’m sure you have tried this but perhaps shortening the chain on the flapper? I ended up getting a new handle and flapper/chain and now it works great. Two piece toilets are easy to install but one piece-difficult on your own. One trick I use is to double stack two wax rings for a really good seal if your floor depth can take it. No advice on tech matters, though. I injure myself using a landline phone!
Amen, indeed!
Also, my hubbie and I got a Mac, and Apple iPhones, 3 or 4 years ago. We did not even pretend to try to do ANY of it ourselves. It would have been Armageddon. Transferring data from a PC? What?? We have a tech guy who’s been with Apple products since day one of Apple, and he amazes me. He is a true techie and a great human being. He’s older than I am, and I am officially old, yet: he really, really gets this stuff. Just sayin’. I create new neural pathways doing other things and when I’m playing with the Mac. I love the Mac.
…But I may have to learn this data transfer thing as I make a final segue from one email address and server that are awful, to one I like that doesn’t make me want to shoot it.
Get a plumber, though, Chis, since you’re somewhat on a deadline. It’ll keep you cheerful.
Love your columns! Best to you and all your tribe.
Last Tuesday there was a small leak under a toilet. On Friday there were three new state of the art toilets all working perfectly. And, they’re lots better than the old ones. Mike the Plumber. Let me know if you want his number.
Also, if you think a Mac is hard, get yourself a brand-new Nikon mirrorless camera. It has more tech in it than a Gulfstream. Tech you don’t need, don’t want and won’t use. We’re talking entry level mirrorless here. Oh do I miss my SLRs and Kodak film.
Good luck with your projects, enjoy your sister’s visit and don’t lift anything heavy.
Mama don’t take my Kodachrome away … I got a Nikon camera, I love to take my photographs, so Mama don’t take my Kodochrome away … (with apologies to Paul Simon if I got the wording a little wrong).
I got many laughs from this one — many thanks! I’m a long-time Mac fan………now & until the Grim Reaper knocks at my door!
I would def get a new toilet!! Hope you def enjoy your sister’s visits and those grandchildren are beyond adorable!!
As Lucy used to say in the classic comic strip Peanuts,”The doctor is in”(though in this case probably more of a witch doctor of arcane remedies than not, it being so close to Halloween).
Prognosis:
There are only the invitingly open haunted golden pastures of Fall ahead, and soon you will rain down your palomino resonance to the earth like a river-run caballo.
Prescription:
So rise, cast out any indwelling harness, pair with that willowy, sleek silver sliver of autumn harmony—woodsmoke in her eyes—and say…
Let’s Dance
I rise to the beat of the morning
And it is a Samba! Where will its
Warm, seductive, hitchy rhythms take
Me? These wrap-around lines already
Edge-edge-edging across the white space
Where the Fall light meets the infinite
Page—cosmology—of its dance floor;
We are in a nameless game where time
Makes up its own rules as it dances
Along, and each day’s pulsing timber
Engages flesh whether it is willed
Or not, and for my part I am as
Magnetic at this point as any
Untethered space traveler, so I
Say, let’s dance! Pulse me to the stars!
Autumn seems to have its own yawning
Music in mind right now, little bits
Of the easy glide of Summer wake
You up, but a quickening heady
Impulse is in the air—a trace
Of switchy footfall in the light
And I, for one, am ready for more
Tension, passion, the cold steel of rhyme
In a hot latin move, romances
On horizon’s line of fire, the purr
Of the leaves rustling down—something filled
With the faint chill of a snowflake’s pause
Before its drifting Fall symphony
Begins to play arrhythmically
In the mind as I dance the hours
Of yet another crystalline day;
Fall’s latent heat beat-beating away
While the nights cool; snowflake’s sashay
Like a leave’s fall—a heartbeat in sway:
Last Summer’s hymn as Fall has its say
And I dance to its whim, come what may
Though I know, in Fall’s scrim, Winter’s in play…
…Sooooo, like the beat that goes on, go with the amarillo flow of Autumn; walk the schnitzel off the dog; dance with Suzanne in the twilight of this excruciatingly exquisite Fall day; and remember what a plumber does when he/she cannot lift and curl: he/she calls another plumber, and celebrates in the reflected gleam of excellence (though it’s never done just like you would do it). Keep the faith.
The doctor has left the building.
Chris, if you decide to get a new toilet get a 17 inch. They are easier on bad knees. My grandson used the instructions on utube and said the installation was a snap.
A great working new toilet can be quite expensive. A decade ago when I became a widow I was almost convinced my plumber husband was haunting our bathroom. The tank would empty in the middle of the night and at other suspicious times. I loved to watch him work and in doing so I learned a few things. I bought a new flush valve at one of those big box stores, watched a couple of YouTube videos, read the instructions in the box and voila! The toilet was haunted no more. If your toilet is in decent shape with no other leaks a new one should be an option but not necessarily a necessity.🙂
As a boomer who embraced technology in the 80s, I tell my much younger colleagues that I started working when Al Gore owned the internet. That usually shuts them up ’cause they have no idea what I am talking about! 🙂
Hahaha! I remember those days! I bought a proprietary Xscribe work station to edit court reporting transcripts as soon as they came out in ’80 or ’81. Much better than dictating. It was $5000 with only one large floppy disk drive and no “brain.” Switched to PC whenever those came out, and yet I’m still told, all the time, to ask my kids how to — whatever it is. I don’t need them!!! I’m a boomer and I’m here to tell everyone We Can Do It!!!