We are blessed with rain this season. First, the deep, beautiful soaking we received in October, which left the hillsides full of new grasses and clover.
As the anniversary of the wildfires approaches, I cannot think of a more soothing sight than hillsides and hiking trails that are soft and damp. We’re due that kind of blanket. We’re due a little peace of mind.
They say more glorious rain is on the way later this week. The fireplace is poised and I have a pot of red beans at the ready, an old Cormac McCarthy book on the bed stand.
As I like to say, you assemble a bunch of little pleasures, all in a row, and suddenly you have a big pleasure. In this case, a rainy day with words and soul food.
Aren’t good books the best soul food?
I’ll invite Suze to come by. She likes a rainy day too. We watch, every season, ONE Hallmark holiday flick, and only one. This might be the rainy weekend for it.
To me, a Hallmark movie is an illicit act. To my sister who just visited from Chicago, Hallmark movies become a daily pleasure. Her name is Holly, after all.
But Holly has rules. She can only watch the most current crop of movies, nothing pre-2025. And she watches them at Happy Hour. To her, it’s like having Lacey Chabert stop by for a glass of wine.
In fact, I see a possible plot here, at least for a Cheeveresque short story. A women stoned on holiday movies hears a knock on the door, and the cast of the Hallmark movies she adores all stop in to sing and entertain her.
But their problems soon become her problems, and they’re hitting her up for money to save the cider house or the Christmas tree farm out by the old mill pond. She begins to notice various keepsakes missing from her shelves.
It would become a metaphor within a metaphor. Despite their good cheer, the holidays sap us of our resources and sense of charity. I don’t have an ending yet. But I think my sister saves the cider house, perhaps by merging it with the Christmas tree farm. In the end, the holidays restore her sense of charity, even as she has her fill of all the cliches.
“Oooooomf. I thought they’d never leave.”
In other news, the lovely and patient older daughter put together the most amazing charcuterie board for my birthday: tin fish, cheeses, grapes and various cured meats. She really has a gift for this. Honestly, I have never seen a restaurant chef who could come close to one of her amazing platters.
Thanks, kiddo! Love you to the moon!
Then Rapunzel, my other daughter, treated my visiting sister and me to a strawberry smoothie from Erewhon, the ridiculously priced grocery chain.
Nothing is more expensive than an item from Erewhon — not real estate, not jewelry. Rotisserie chicken is $25. Vegan buffalo cauliflower is $21 per pound.
Sure, the spicy tuna crispy rice will blow your bleepin’ mind. But at those prices? Prepare to be appalled.
Enter the strawberry glaze smoothie, as curated by Hailey Bieber, socialite, supermodel and wife of the great Justin Bieber.
This is the mother of all smoothies: Strawberries, sea moss, almond milk, avocado, dates, maple syrup, coconut cream and collagen peptides (seriously).
Sip for sip, it is more expensive than a trip to Paris.
I sheepishly ask for more, knowing I should be revolted by such decadence, yet am seduced by the silky good taste of the peptides mixed with sea moss.
I have to admit, it was a GREAT smoothie, as any $25 smoothie ought to be. I am both embarrassed and energized by it, which is the feeling I often feel for L.A. itself: embarrassed yet energized.
Listen, I paid 25 bucks for a meh martini last week. Why not the world’s finest smoothie?
Yeah, I can think of lots of reasons too.
Coming Saturday: The shirtless man and his grateful sidekick.
Really Chris😉Hallmark movies? Sallie is hooked on them too! How fun to have Holly there for your B day🍸
Love to you all, The lady across the street 💖
Hey Chris, Hallmark is on line one. They’re interested in that story …
I like the one Hallmark movie allotment per season, Chris. Your smoothie sounds amazing, and you are so worth it, especially for your birthday!! So glad Holly was here to celebrate with you, as well as the rest of the family. I want to see a picture of that charcuterie board!!! Hugs all around!
I think that smoothie should take care of your healthy nutrition needs for the rest of the year. You are cleared for holiday cookies, egg nog, etc. Proud to say I have never watched a Hallmark holiday movie. They are to the great classics as AI is to your fine writing. I am counting down to Thanksgiving eve for the annual watching of Planes, Trains and burning Automobiles. Enjoy!
Just back from Nor Cal celebrating my mom’s 95th. Has dementia. Watched far too many Hallmark Holiday movies. Same actor. Different plot. Happy Birthday!
Thanks Jill. Happy birthday to your mom as well.
I just want to know if you hired a real plumber to replace the old toilet? I may have missed those comments from past postings.
Nope, fixed it myself.
Erskine, two things. In your musings regarding the forecasted atmospheric rivers, are you forgetting the ominous James Taylor album title: MUDSLIDE SLIM?
And, assuming you and my fellow Erskine readers HAVEN’T seen it, NOT a Hallmark movie, but that it were, it’d be a Hallmark Christmas flick on steroids:
THE FEAST OF THE SEVEN FISHES!
Streaming on multiple platforms, it’s a lock you and the Silver Haired Beauty will love it!
Roswell, I’ll take mudslides over fires any day.
As far as the Feast of the Seven Fishes, you mean the episode from The Bear? That’s about as far from Hallmarkian as you can get. Yet amazing TV.
No, and after all the Jamie Lee hype, though she was WONDERFUL, when I finally saw it … underwhelmed.
Look up FEAST OF THE SEVEN FISHES on IMDB. The only actor you’ll probably recognize is Joe Pantoliano, but trust me on this – a feel good, Christmas treat!
Happy Birthday, Chris. Several years ago, you wrote about a charcuterie board your patient older daughter created. The artistry & loveliness of the arrangement still remains with me. I was thinking about it a couple of weeks ago wondering how I could find that photo. She is really creative and stylish.
I don’t know how to add a photo to these comments. But I will add her latest charcuterie board to today’s post. An obvious oversight.
Enjoy the rain. What started as a one-day storm has morphed into a 4-day whopper, at least that’s what the experts say.
Enjoy the Hallmark movie. I think Ted Lasso explained it well to British soccer players who had no idea what a Hallmark movie was all about. “Hallmark Christmas movies are films that feature women from the big city falling in love with their childhood crushes. It’s usually some fella that owns a Christmas tree farm. Sometimes he’s also Santa Clause or a prince. They suck, but they’re great — but they also mostly suck, but they’re also kinda great. They’re good with the sound off.”
Ha! That does sum them up. If they weren’t kinda great, they would’ve gone away a long time ago. As far as the rain, I’m expecting one day of rain, despite the four-day projection. We just don’t get four-day rains here.
I have an incredibly high regard for your abilities, and I’m pretty sure you can do anything you set your mind to. That being said, maybe not a meteorologist?
Say what you will about Hallmark moves, they pay better in residuals than almost anything else these days. I’m still getting little gifts in green envelopes for a movie from five years ago. But let’s get back to that picture at the top! What an homage to Jack Lemmon in “The Days of Wine and Roses,” or in your case, I guess, “The Mornings of Smoothies and Boxer Shorts.” Still, it sounds delicious. Happy belated, you sugar wino!
I am a sugar wino. So, which Hallmark movie do we look for with the Peterman magic? Can we get a title?
The Baker’s Son. The director made one choice at the end of the film that, while I understand, still caused a groan when I saw it, but otherwise, one of the more pleasant experiences I’ve had.
On my list. I even like the title!
Happy belated birthday Chris! Erewhon is super expensive but if the Sea Moss can keep us going…….fantastic! Hah!
A twenty-five-dollar smoothie? Ok, then sport, I’ve got a nice bridge in Brooklyn and this solid gold Rolex … For you: package deal, a hundred and sixty bucks total… wadduhyuhsay?
I’ll take it!
I lived in the Palisades before moving to my now beloved Pasadena. After experiencing the Erewhon in the aforementioned, I thought Pasadena is never going to buy this. Much to my chagrin, it’s packed every time I walk by it. As for your listing of the ingredients in your tasting, I laughed out to the point of a snort. Then you said, “Really”. REALLY?
I recently re-watched Pulp Fiction. The Jack Rabbit Slims scene where Mia orders a $5 milkshake, and Vincent is blown away at the cost. The outrage in that scene aged poorly.
Happy Birthday!
My favorite part of that movie!
I agree with your rain prediction, it always rains everywhere except over my house, think I’m being punished! Any smoothie tastes better w brandy, rum, vodka. Happy birthday! You still have the rest of the month to celebrate, no such thing as a birth DAY!
Ted Lasso is great to watch again and again!
Was really hoping Ted Lasso would launch a new wave of smart and happy sitcoms. Alas, no. But the reruns do hold up, as you say.
Writerly wonderful, the pics of sis and the girls with you and the grandkids terrific as usual. Sorry the Bruins lost. Rain tomorrow as you say. Back from days in wine country. The trip down through L.A. no longer sane (21/2 hours(!) Calabasas to the Goodyear Castle on the 101/I5 axis, a few feet at–at–at a time). Still, Paso and SF and the wine country were sublime–those flame colored vineyards undulating across the hills and off to the horizons. The crunch of Sycamore leaves underfoot. The wine. Suzanne and a Halllmark sounds sublime also; but as you say, only one. The sugar highs court Diabetes. Enjoy the rain. Belated Happy birthday. You are sounding and looking suddenly younger. ahhh! the miracle of modern surgery.
Glad you had a good trip, my friend. Sorry about the LA leg but that’s pretty much my life, belly crawling across town.
This is a couple days late but I have a recommendation for you
and Suze re: Hallmark. The only Christmas movie to watch is an
old one ( maybe your sister will make an exception) , it is
Christmas at the Plaza, no returns to the small town and the
old boyfriend, no Christmas tree lighting, just a romance in
a famous hotel in NYC, a “departure” for Hallmark.
Thanks Barbara. On my list!