Random thoughts, while working on my new novel, “I Love You, I Love You, But Not Exactly Right Now,” my sequel to “Algebra Ate My Brain”:
- Laughter is liquor.
- Family always fits.
- Christmas is a cuisine.
- When Mt. Baldy looks like the French Alps, then it’s officially winter.
- Next season, NBC should offer a “Festivus” holiday special.
- When in doubt, drop a few bucks in the bucket.
- When in doubt, take the field goal.
- Like it or not, football plays a big part of America’s holiday pageant.
- Best reindeer: Blitzen.
- Best Santa: Ed Asner.
- Best heavenly glow: Donna Reed.
- FYI, I subscribe to Amazon Subprime. Packages arrive in two years, three towns away.
- “I always count my blessings more than I count my money. I don’t work for money, never did.” —Dolly Parton
- Need a break? So Cal beaches are merry and bright right now.
- Could USC’s Jazzy Davidson be the next Caitlin Clark?
- Sorry, but I’d rather lick the rust off an old bridge than watch a Clippers game.
- Did you know Dolly Parton has her own cornbread mix?
- And it’s good. No, I’m not surprised either.
- Remind me again: How many times has Warner Bros. been sold?
- Favorite holiday dish: partridge (in pear sauce).
- Favorite dessert: a martini olive.
- On cold nights, I warm my hands on Nat King Cole’s voice.
- I still find serenity in a good December snow.
- Sorry, but there is no discernible difference between a regular moon and a “super moon.”
- Favorite planet: Bruno Mars.
- Before they gave them microphones, NFL refs threw way fewer flags.
- Sure, SoFi is tempting, but wait till UCLA sees the HOA fees.
- What I really miss: record stores; Ed Sullivan; rom-coms set in London.
- Top five holiday classics:
- Wonderful Life
- Planes Train and Automobiles
- Elf
- The Bishop’s Wife
- A Bears-Packers game in the snow.
- As I’ve always said, Santa would’ve been a terrific nose tackle.
- Is that Dodger gondola L.A.’s idea of mass transit?
- Still, I like the idea.
- For the record, I’ve never flown sober out of LAX.
- And I used to be a pilot!
- But seriously, folks, LAX just goes from worse to worser.
- Best last-minute gifts: Books, concert tix, Dodger ornaments, Warner Bros.
- Support the storied Rose Bowl with a commemorative brick, available online.
- FYI, none of my friends has indoor voices.
- My kids, same thing.
- Even our dogs don’t have indoor voices.
- “Remembrance, like a candle, burns brightest at Christmastime.” — Charles Dickens
- Favorite word to say: Bamboozled.
- Favorite winter soup: French onion.
- At least for me, a good workout is way better than weed.
- Top five holiday songs:
- Chestnuts
- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
- Silent Night
- O Come All Ye Faithful
- River
- There should be an entire town dedicated to Mel Torme.
- Gordon Lightfoot too.
- Great job in Mississippi, Coach Kiffin: You always leave ‘em wanting less.
- Two words for those who think the Rose Bowl is too old: Fenway. Wrigley.
- As they say, you can make a sound argument without making a lot of noise.
- Well, maybe not anymore.
- “It will be a very traditional Christmas, with presents…doors slamming and people bursting into tears.” — Comedian Victoria Wood
- Dear Santa. Define “naughty.” Define “nice.”
- Go Rams! (Sean McVay is still the best skipper in the NFL).
- Go Lakers! (the most-interesting team in the NBA).
- Go Kings! (where every power play reminds me of Tchaikovsky).
- I could see all three winning championships, joining the mighty Dodgers.
- Welcome to Trophy Town, USA!
- Trivia time: What was Louis Pasteur’s major in college?
- Top five places to celebrate the holidays in L.A.:
- A pier…any pier
- Musso & Frank
- The Polo Lounge
- Descanso Gardens’ “Enchanted” exhibit
- Avignone’s Bar
- Remember when Chip Kelly was a hot commodity?
- Remember when teens stared at each other, not their phones?
- Something I’ll always love: holding hands.
- And making snow angels.
- Yep, if I were any sappier, I’d be a pine tree.
- So?
- “Excellence does not require perfection.” — Henry James
- FYI, if UCLA ditches the Rose Bowl, I’m putting a hex on the Bruins that will make the Curse of the Bambino look like a kiss on the lips.
- Trivia answer: Louis Pasteur, perhaps the greatest chemist of all time, majored in philosophy.
- FYI, I majored in naps.
- But look at me now!
- Safe flights.
- Happy snow angels.
- Merry everything.
Love today’s column, Chris!
Thanks Deb. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
One of your funnest lists. I respectfully have to say A Christmas Story has to be on any favorite Holiday movie list! And one movie I love that doesn’t seem to be well known enough is Fred Claus. If you love Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti, as I do, you must check it out. I saw Dolly’s cornbread on the shelf at Thanksgiving but hesitated. Thanks for the personal endorsement. Keep the sweet pics and cheer coming, Chris!
Thanks for the Fred Claus tip! Havdn’t seen it. Christmas Story a classic as well. Great stuff.
Chris, I know you will love Fred Claus. It’s hilarious and touching in just the right balance.
“Lick rust off of an old bridge”?
If that’s a new one?i I’m an old one who missed it!
A pine tree? My money is on maple: source of a rich, sweet, and memorable necessity for a full life. Like your Christmas lists…
Would have expected you to choose the Billy Goat curse.
That was my first inclination. But I figured the Curse of the Bambino is more widely known!
We love A Christmas Story too. The scene of why the family ends up at a Chinese restaurant for Christmas is hilarious! But our family’s favorite is Nightmare Before Christmas. We watch it while trimming the tree. It’s not for Halloween only.
Great list! I pulled out my Billy Idol Happy Holidays CD to listen to the good stuff. Nothing better than a spiky haired snarly lipped dude doing Christmas songs. Grab some aquavit, limpa and pickled herring and have a great day in the 84° weather. Here, at least. Holiday spirit comes in so many ways.
Should watch-“ Nobody’s Fool”. Paul Neumann & Jessica Tandy
Love it. Thx for the great tip!
A great Christmas movie: It Happened on 5th Avenue.
Please check it out.
I will. Thx for the tip.
Thank you! The Rose Bowl is not too old! Wish they’d appreciate classic and preservation. Great post and pics.
Thank you, Chris. You always make me smile.
For the win…“FYI, I subscribe to Amazon Subprime. Packages arrive in two years, three towns away.”
Merry Christmas Chris!
Nostalgia is one of the very few things where heedless excess is not wretched, and this piece is glorious in its streaming recall of many of the lovely artifacts of the L.A. holiday experience. I would add the scent of oranges, the movies “Love Actually” and more recently “La La Land”, and the incredible almost crystalline clarity of the morning light at the beach on a December morning here–even after a foggy night (which is rarer now, so it seems). All this through the playful yet discerning lens of one man’s eyes and consequential mind. I liked this. and the pics…the one of you in Santa’s sleigh is, as ever, worth a thousand preceding words. Ho! Ho!…Ha!! Playfulness and whimsy uber allen. It drifts smoke over the fiery heart. Or not…
In Love With Christmas In L.A.
FYI, I subscribe to Amazon Subprime. Packages arrive in two years, three towns away.
Erskine, old enough here to not give a flying … , and if something stops being fun, I stop doing it! The line above and today’s offering, almost every word, dictates your future’s so bright, you gotta wear shades!
Fun in spades = cheap sunglasses!
movie: miracle on 34th street ~
song: I’ll be home for christmas ~
and : silent night by the temptations ~
and: Sting ~ christmas album ~ ~
merry ho ho ho chris ~ ~ ~
Love your random thoughts, Christmas and otherwise. I also really like the photo of you sitting in the driver’s seat of Santa’s sleigh.
The book title “Algebra Ate My Brain,” reminded me of when I nearly flunked out of high school algebra freshman year, despite having been in advanced math in junior high. In retrospect, I am chalking it up to Ms Cannolini (not her real name) lecturing into the chalk board and I had an ear infection so bad that when a pediatrician put his watch in my ear, I couldn’t hear it ticking. A course of antibiotics restored my hearing. I guess that I had been reading lips? (And 15 years later, I passed college algebra with an A- when I needed the class as a prerequisite for a grad school statistics class.)
Merry Christmas to you!
Love the algebra story. Amazing how much life choices come down to being able to do algebra. So glad your pediatrician figured it out!
Great Christmas movie: It Happened on 5th Avenue.
Please check it out!
I cannot listen to The Twelve Days of Christmas after having my
fourth grade class do it for our school’s Xmas show ( we could
have celebrations then!). We rehearsed for three weeks, every day and
performed it perfectly. The parents were enchanted. It was the
longest song in the program!
I have to add Love Actually. And I just got my eyes checked but I thought the Barbie behind Elf on a Shelf was part of a toddler Nativity scene. But then I zoomed in!😂😂
Thanks man, that was a good list.
… and, of course, The Shop Around the Corner.
And I certainly relate to dessert olives, remembering sitting at the bar at Chez Jay and being disgusted as my bar mates preemptively lunge and devour their martini olives before the first sip, rather than the waiting, gratification deferred, until after the olives (I prefer three) slide down and bump into your nose.
Well said, sir. Cheers!
Great column, Funny, erudite and tenderhearted all at the same time. You’re the luckiest man in town – next to George Bailey.
Who knew Louis Pasteur and I had something in common!? “A Christmas Carole” (the Alister Sim version) and “Miracle on 34th Street” cause I’m old fashioned (that’s the way love should be )- A very Merry Christmas to you and yours Chris “God Bless Us Everyone!”
Great thoughts as always! Best part of Xmas is doing everything you said you were not going to do again, because it’s just fun and you forget what a big job it’s going to be to take it all done! Yikes! Have a wonderful time with your family!